bed having coffee when her 'daughter' entered, fully made- up, hair done and wearing the black negligee. Underneath she was wearing the bra she wore for sport and the panties she had worn the previous night. She smiled broadly at her mother.

'Morning mother,' she said bri- ghtly, 'I was wondering if I may borrow your little blue day dress and your white sandals. They'd fit me wouldn't they. I don't seem to have a thing to wear.'

Mrs. Watson looked both puzzled and amused. 'Yes dear, I think they would.'

Lynda took the blue frock from the wardrobe and slipped it over her head and tied the selfbelt around her waist. She took out the white high heeled sandals and put them on and tied the strap.

'Oh yes, perfect,' she said. She came to the bed and kneel- ed down and kissed her mother lightly on the cheek.

'Mother do you think we could go shopping one day next week. I'd look awfully silly wearing my party dress everywhere.'

'Er....yes of course we can darling but........

'Oh goody,' Lynda said, 'and until then can I borrow your clothes; otherwise I have no- thing at all to wear?'

'Yes darling, I guess so. But what about, er, Lyndon's clo- thes?'

'Oh poo to Lyndon's clothes. I threw them out earlier this morning. Lyndon doesn't exist anymore.'

Psychological differences

in men and women

Men and women are really different. Their different de- velopmental experiences lead to different ways of thinking and behaving.

It should go without saying that there are biological dif- ferences and socio-cultural dif- ferences exhibited in men and women. But, as I discussed last week, there is one important developmental difference bet- ween men and women that is critical.

Girls develop an identification with mother that carries them and their identity through adult- hood. Boys, on the other hand, begin their initial identification with mother, then must reject it at some point in early adolesence and develop an identification with father. This can lead to some interesting problems in the way that adult men and women relate each other. Research has shown that wo- men tend to be the cultivators of relationships in our society. They even often identify them- selves in terms of their relation- ships, such as being 'John's wife, Suzie's mother, Linda's sister, Mike's secretary,' etc.

to

Women not only define them- selves in the context of human relationships, but judge them- selves in terms of their ability to

care.

Woman's place in man's life cycle has been that of nurturer, caretaker, and help- mate--the weaver of those net- works of relationships on which

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By DONALD W. SEVERANCE, Ph.D.

she, in turn, relies. (see Carol Gilligan, Psychology Today, 1982.)

At the same time, men have tended to devalue that care. Their road to success, as with their identity of themselves, comes through denying their dependency on women and valu- ing autonomy instead. As the separation struggle with mother, so it continues, too often, into adulthood.

This different way of thinking is graphically depicted in re- search conducted by Pollack and Gilligan (1982).

In their studies, they found that men saw more danger in situations of affiliation than in situations of achievement and described danger as arising from intimacy. In contrast, women tended to perceive more danger in situations of competitive a- chievement than in situations of affiliation and were more likely to associate danger with being alone.

The danger that men saw in intimacy was a danger of en- trapment or betrayal-being caught in a smothering relation- ship or humiliated by rejection.

The danger that women saw in achievement was a danger of isolation, a fear that in stand- ing out or being set apart by success they would be left alone. Each sex perceives a danger that the other does not see-men in connection, in separation. Did it begin in adolescence?

women